that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
