Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
