Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
