three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
