when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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