just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
