Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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