That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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