I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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