google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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