from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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