maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
