Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
