They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
