You made me cry and you don't even care
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
