Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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