one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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