i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
