I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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