So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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