Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
