I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
