bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
