Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
