you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
