He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
