you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
