Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
