Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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