Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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