I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
