At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
