i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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