So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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