Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
