She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We left the knife in your bed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
