i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
