Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
