a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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