you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
