R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
