I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
