it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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