I wannas sexs uuuuu
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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