I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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