Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
