I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I want to fling myself into the sun
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
