I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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