that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
