so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
