I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
